Derby Girls
So I’ve been getting into roller derby lately. The Atlanta Rollergirls’ 2010 season just started last month and I’ve gone to both doubleheaders they’ve had so far. And it’s been, well, friggin’ sweet. The awesomeness of chicks beating the shit out of each other for three hours aside (I mean that as awesome in a totally straight appreciation of violence sort of way), its BYOB. I mean, PBR is a sponsor of these ladies.
And why are the ladies themselves awesome? Two reasons. First, the creativity involved in coming up with their derby names boggles the mind. I’ve actually compiled a list of my favorites, which, oddly enough, was originally put together to prove to my priest that they have way better names than “Debbie Denim,” as he so uncreatively suggested.
APOCALYPSTIX
Sk8 Outta Compton
Demi Gore
Quadratic Abrasion
Bullie Jean King
PBRawr
Smack N Cheeze
Tequila SlamHer
DENIM DEMONS
Reba Smackentire
Sissy Splaysek
Hate Ashbury
Holly Point Bullet
Demanda Rumble
SAKE TUYAS
Shannihilator
Regreta Garbo
Agent Maulder
Layla Beatdown
Brutal Strudel
TOXIC SHOCKS
HELLena Bomb’em Slaughter
Forniskate
Desi Scarnaz
Not to mention the refs: DJ Jazzy Ref, Ref Fried Beans, Freddy Chopin’, Pallbearer, Fury Elise, Skatezula the Rink Rula, Father Time Out, and Grandmaster Bash
And the second reason they’re awesome is because of who these derby demonesses really are. They’re grad students and English teachers and chiropractors (which probably comes in handy) and moms and what have you. And they’re not messin’ around. They could probably kill you with one hand tied behind their back. The hits they take leave bruises and busted lips and sometimes serious injuries. And while it is violent and competitive, they leave it on the track and go to bars and hang out after the bout is over. Yeah, it may smart a bit after losing a bout, but in the end, it’s keeping the league alive that matters. And it’s a pretty big commitment on top of their “real lives.” Besides monthly bouts, they have practice and away bouts and all star bouts and they participate in parades and other public events. Did I mention there’s no financial gain in this?
Despite the heavy commitment, lack of remuneration, and promise of pain and suffering, ever since I was approached about going out for the league while I was still working at Hot Topic, I have seriously thought about trying out. I even came up with a name. Divine Merciless. Nice, right? I was told by a former derby girl that it was a “fuckin’ awesome” name, so it’s gotta be solid. Perhaps the whole desire to be a part of the derby stems from my well-hidden desire for fame (or infamy depending on my playing style). Maybe it’s too late for me now, what with the lack of health insurance and all, but I am still taking it under serious consideration.
