Gettin’ Hitched

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend lately.  All of my friends are getting married.  That’s not really disturbing in and of itself, but what makes it disturbing is their nuptials’ impact on me.  I want to get married, damnit.  Yeah, I know I need one of them how-you-say boyfriends first, but that’s a mere trifle!  I already know my colors (lavender and emerald), the flowers (roses), the dress (down to the fabric-covered buttons), the cake (vanilla, three tiers, cascading flowers), the bridesmaids’ dresses (emerald, no bare shoulders, thank you), the groom’s attire (yes, there will be a cravat), and what church it would be in if I should be in Georgia when/if I get married (sorry, STA, St. Peter Chanel is my pick) and yes, there will be a Mass so don’t think you’re getting out of there in twenty minutes or less.

But why is this happening to me now?  I’ll only be 25 in September, what’s the rush?  I will admit that I am a bit of a closeted romantic, if the wedding description above didn’t give that away, but I have so much stuff I have to do before I allow my attention to be diverted.  It’s not like everyone I know has blissful marriages.  I’m pretty sure no one does, but that’s not really my point.  So, why do I feel this irrepressible urge to be attached to someone?

Frankly, I blame society.  I know there’s supposed to be this biological urge to couple in order to procreate, but I don’t want kids, so that’s not the issue.  The issue is that we’ve created this paradigm in which happiness is determined by one’s relationship status.  If you are single, you are obviously unhappy and your only goal is to be one half of a couple.  And I’ve totally bought into it.  I don’t understand people who are together for ages and just don’t get married.  If I were to date a man for more than three years and he didn’t propose, his ass would be on the curb.  I suppose my religion enters into it, but I haven’t been to a Catholic wedding since my aunt got married a good twenty or so years ago.

All I ever see on TV are ads for eHarmony, match.com, chemistry.com, the list goes on.  You have to find the one or you’ll be miserable and alone and if you pay us we can do the work for you.  Coupling has become a commodity.  Sure, matchmaking has been around for ages, but these companies take it to a new level.  This ain’t Yenta.  They match people on “deep levels of compatibility” and make guarantees that you’ll be satisfied with your purchase or you’ll get your money back.  It’s turned dating into this fever pitch quest for ultimate happiness.  Sure, at this point in my life I wouldn’t date just for fun, but damn, this is just too much pressure.

I’m sure some of this has to do with the happiness associated with the knowledge that one is attractive to the opposite sex.  It is no coincidence that dating site commercials are followed by diet program/pill/surgery commercials.  Everyone has to look better so they can attract more men or more women so that they have a better chance of finding THE ONE.  That makes it sound like I don’t think that people can’t have true “soul mates.”  I do think that there are perfect matches, but I don’t think there’s someone for everyone.  I think that for some people there isn’t anyone.  And the older I get, the more I fear that I’m in that category.  I want to be married by the time I’m 35.  I know, ten years seems like plenty of time, but, then again, when I was 15 I was pretty damn sure I’d be married by 25.

For the moment, I’m resigned to the always the bridesmaid never the bride curse because the very prospect of the “dating scene” just makes me tired.

~ by jhoffacker on July 26, 2009.