The FBI likes to burn Christians…

… and other fun quips by Tony Alamo!

This is Tony Alamo. Tony Alamo is the most recent in an ever growing line of Evangelical leaders to fall from grace.

The only difference is that this 74 year old is going down swinging, which may make him the most fun to watch.

Also he’s in court on counts of sexual abuse. He allegedly took young girls across state lines to have sex with them.

At first I didn’t get the idea of him taking under-aged girls over state lines to have sex with him. I mean it’s not like there’s some state in the union where a 74 year old can have sex with a twelve year old. At least, not that I knew of.

However, the young ladies who are accusing him of these acts say that anytime he was out of town, he would send for them to go to whichever state he was in, simply for him to perform sex acts. Or if they happened to be in another town, he would make them return to Arkansas for what will from now on be referred to simply as “the grossness.”

You may not know much about Tony, but he is delightful!

A few fun blips:

• born Bernie Lazar Hoffman

• he attempted to be a musician and failed

• believes the Pope to be the Antichrist

• He was brought up as a Jew and, as a result, places an emphasis on converting Jews

• created and manufactured a line of Tony Alamo-brand sequined denim jackets, a business that eventually landed him in jail after being convicted of tax evasion

• According to Alamo, while he was in a meeting at a Beverly Hills investment firm, Jesus came to him and told him to preach the second coming of Christ.

(all information obtained at http://tonyalamochurch.com/)

So Alamo has the usual ridiculous background that most “prophets of God” have. His ex-wife claims that he would “marry” these girls, some as young as 8, and then the grossness ensued. The majority of the girls were from families who were involved in his cult church cult. They were told they had to do “what the Lord told them to do.” (And I guess by Lord they meant Mr. Lazar)

Anyway, although the charges Tony is facing are absolutely disgusting, and make my skin crawl just thinking about them, his attitude throughout this whole ordeal is making this one amusing case.

His defense team is horrified of him testifying. He swears he will. They swear if he does, it will be “against their better advisement.”

He yells things from the defense table about the FBI and Waco.

*SIDENOTE*

*Why he would want to group himself in the same category as the Branch Davidians, I don’t know. David Koresh said he was the Second Coming of Jesus. That was in 1993. You say you’re waiting for the second coming of Jesus. It’s 2009. You showing sympathy and understanding for another cult, simply undermines the ENTIRE IDEA of your own “church.”*

They have hours of jailhouse tapes. One he tells a girl to clean up a mess or she has to leave his church. Another girls and women (presumably his 67 wives all huddled around one receiver) are giggling as he discusses whether or not his charges are the same in Texas as Arkansas.

His supporters have set up a twitter account and are calling the FBI demonic.

And apparently he finds nothing that he did wrong.

Well Bernie, it seems your religious compass is pointing in the polar opposite way as that of the American government. You will most likely be going to prison.

But while you spend the rest of your life in the slammer, cursing the FBI, maybe spend an hour or two each day reading the Bible you’ve been thumping for the last decade or so. And even if you aren’t around for the second coming, I’m pretty sure you will still come up with some revelations.

Like that doing the grossness with a number of under aged girls and using the Lord’s name to get them into bed, gets you roughly an eternity or so of burning.

And maybe while you’re still here, you’ll get some grossness of the angry male on male prisoner persuasion while you’re tearfully praying for the rapture.

-krystle

~ by nubianxess on July 21, 2009.